Say what you need to say.

Going back to paper journaling so I can be honest and not have to worry.

I don't even know, man.

Processing.

I think disgust is one of the worst feelings to experience.

Kickass Literary Women Part 1

It's always been a pet peeve of mine when women take the role of passive and weak. I want to be inspired by other women, not annoyed by them. A prime example of this is Daisy from The Great Gatsby. She is my least favorite literary character of all time. Hands down.

In honor of the Anti-Daisy Buchanans out there, here is Part One of Kickass Literary Women:

Eowyn, Lord of the Rings- Men couldn't kill the Witch King, so this lady did.

WITCH KING: Hinder me? Thou fool. No living man may hinder me! DERNHELM: But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Eowyn I am, Eomund's daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him.

She was a shieldmaiden and was a trained fighter. However, because of her sex, she was expected to stay and watch over the people. She wanted adventure. Her biggest fear was "to stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recalls or desire."

Fantine, Les Miserables-She loved her daughter so much, that she sold her teeth and hair, and became a prostitute to support Cosette. She sent her away (unfortunately to the horrible Thenardiers) so she can have a better life. Her last dying thought was of her daughter. Any woman who does any of what she did, deserves to be in this list.

Luna Lovegood, Harry Potter Series-Luna taught us that it's okay to be ourselves. We're so worried of being this or being that, and she was always herself. This is a lesson we should all take with us. We're all a little weird and we shouldn't be afraid to show it.

Why I'm glad I joined a sorority.

When I first started college, I had no idea what actual sorority life was like. I went to a community college for two years, and we didn't have a Greek life. The only thing I "knew" about Greek life was what our society told me. Luckily, I never thought it was truly like that, so as I transferred to CMU, I considered the possibility of going Greek. I had a good circle of friends already at Central, but I wanted to meet more people and to network.

As I signed up for Rush, I went with the attitude that if I didn't like it, I wouldn't join a sorority. I didn't want to join something just because everyone else was joining. I would only join if I felt that I could truly better myself and to get a great experience out of it.

 I excitedly lurked at each sorority's website and information. I tried not to base my opinion on what I saw because I hadn't even gone through Rush yet. I didn't even know what these ladies were like!

As the first day of Rush started, I wasn't sure what to expect. I went to each house and I had an idea of what house I liked and which I didn't click with. I wanted to join a sorority that would be home for me and that would give me a positive experience. I wanted to better myself and I wanted to make sure that I would be a positive addition to my potential sorority. Some groups just didn't click with me. There was nothing wrong with them, but it just wasn't for me.

As the week went on, I found the sorority that I wanted to be a part of. I felt that I could truly be myself there. I had short red hair, tattoos and piercings. Some groups looked down on me for it, but this group welcomed my individuality. As I talked to the potential sisters I might get at this house, we joked about Harry Potter nerdiness and reading books. It was such a great feeling to experience a connection such as this.

At the end of the week, I was terrified that I wouldn't get a bid from the sorority I really wanted. The others were great, but this one was THE SORORITY I wanted to be in. I loved the ideals and what they stood for. On Jump Day, I was anxiously awaiting a bid, at least something. Finally, I received my bid. Sounds strange, but it was such a great joy to know that a group of women felt the same connection with me as I did them.

My few years in Greek Life went quickly. Sure, we had some good times and we had some bad times. However, overall, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. I was honestly surprised that I enjoyed Greek life as much as I did. I learned so much about myself and so much about others. I've always been a bit of a tom boy, so being surrounded by that much estrogen was new for me. I took a few positions in the sorority, so I took on more responsibility and how to network with others.

I love what Delta Phi Epsilon stands for. I'm so proud to be a part of a tradition that was started by five wonderful ladies. I volunteered more. I worked with philanthropy events. I try to live by the values of Delta Phi Epsilon every single day. I've always believed in holding myself to a higher standard, and this sorority has helped me with that.

I don't look down on people who aren't Greek. It works for some and not others. I'm completely okay with that. Luckily, it worked for me.

Roaring Twenties

There seems to be this thought that being in your twenties is a terrible thing. It's awkward. You're poor. You don't know what you're doing with your life, especially post college. You lose friends.

These are some of the reasons why I love my twenties. I don't mind the awkwardness of this age. Although I have a pretty clear definition of who I am, I am always trying to improve myself.

I also don't mind being poor. I hardly ever shut a bar down anymore and when I do, my tab is relatively small. What else are you going to spend your money on in a college town such as this? Besides traveling and other necessities  I don't have much I plan on spending money on. I'd rather be in yoga pants watching Netflix with my cat brooding in a corner.

When I was an undergraduate and first started my graduate program, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I knew that I was good with people, but beyond being a conwoman, I had no clue. Even in my graduate program, I didn't know what type of counselor I wanted to be. I have this belief that things will turn out the way they should. And they did. I currently have a job lined up post-graduation.

A major complaint about being in your twenties is losing your friends. I've lost friends since I've entered college and even more since I've entered grad school, but you know what? The friends I have are amazing. I kept contact with friends who also made an effort to keep in contact with me. There are the people that I consider my extended family. Some friendships never die and I'm lucky enough to experience them.

Although I'm only 24, I've learned a lot about myself and I'm excited for what will come next. I like the unknown.

Spring is here(ish)!

As per usual, I'm working on my Spring to do list.

So far I have:
-Grow plants
-Write letters
-Take a roadtrip
-Listen to a rainstorm
-Stomp in puddles
-Climb a tree
-Work on art/crafts more
-Study for the NCE
-Read 15 books
-Learn a new skill
-Continue researching to better help my clients

More to come!

Desire

For the Love of Dziadziu

My Dziadziu (AKA Grampa) was such a cool man. I've been thinking about how to write this post for awhile now, and I think I've come to what I want to say.

Grampa and I always had a pretty good relationship. I knew growing up that he was a grumpy old man and that he wouldn't change. I took that into consideration and I didn't take his grumpiness personally.

We became close after the death of my Senele (AKA Gramma). I was two hours away at school, but we would talk on the phone a few times a week. Stopping by his house was the first and last thing I would do before I left Ludington. I enjoyed hanging out with him when I was home. Sure, I didn't always want to go over there because it was sad, but he told me a few times that he appreciated it. Family history is very important to me so I loved hearing his stories about his childhood and early adulthood. Sometimes we would have great conversations about his past and how he was a bit of a shister when he was younger.

One thing I learned about him after the death of Gramma is that he just wanted to be loved. He was lonely and wanted to be with family. He even liked just sitting and having conversation. However, he was too proud of a person to ask for help (this seems to be a re-occurring theme within our family). As the time passed on, he opened up more and more with me. He would even say I love you to me after I would leave or ending a phone conversation. He even put that in the cards we would send back and forth.

Overall, I'm so lucky to have gotten to know my Grampa on such a deep level. Sure, he was gruff, but I've always known that. That was just who he was. If I had a life like his growing up, I might be like that too. So in memory of him, here's a song that always reminds me of Grampa, "Who Stole the Kishka?" by Frankie Yankovic.

Unknown

Things you probably don't know about me

-I don't like Disney. Some movies are good, but overall, I don't get the appeal.
-Same with the show Friends. I don't understand it.
-I really don't understand American humor.
-My favorite colors are blue, purple and green.
-I love to travel, but I can't wait to have a permanent home.
-I hate wearing pants. I'd rather wear a dress.
-I dislike winter with every fiber of my being.
-I actually write a lot, I just don't post it publicly or on the internet.
-I save money by being able to wear kids' sized shoes.
-I love the Southern United States.
-I'm obsessed with anything vintage.
-Whenever I see an abandoned house, I get the overwhelming urge to explore it.
-I'm most content around water.
-I love to be surrounded by plants.

Need

I have the urge to travel. It's been too long.

I'm here.

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.” 

-Eat, Pray, Love

Winter List

My Winter List

Have a snowball fight
Go on a roadtrip (always)
Make a snow angel
Kiss in the snow
Spend a morning snuggling under mountains of blankets
Fall asleep to good music bundled up in a hoodie
Bake more
Write at least ten letters to people
Actually send out these ten letters
Have a relaxing spa night in
Get a manicure
Start a new craft project
Learn a new skill
Have a dinner party
Donate items I don't use
Blog at least two times a week